It is interesting how your life can acquire perspectives overnight and transform the world around when you wake up the next day. It is equally interesting to know how you struggle to come to terms with the new reality that stares you in the face. It is like having lost familiar ground and entered un-chartered territory. It is like the desperate groping of a blind man who has suddenly walked into startling brightness of the naked sun.
When your mind is at peace and in equilibrium, it doesn’t feel the transitory disturbances for the strength comes from an inherent sense of balance. However, the inverse equilibrium state is one that borders on mayhem. The slightest nudge can make you go tumbling down the abyss of emotional turmoil. The struggle to hold on to the equilibrium even by a whisker is what gives rise to the feeling of being out of control. The effort is exhausting to say the least. Sanity is at stake.
The logic is simple – a stable equilibrium is concave whereby thoughts bend and the world transpires to support you, and help you regain lost balance; whereas, an unstable equilibrium is convex. You step out just a little bit, and you lose ground. And to top it, the world conspires to make you fall off. Or is it just paranoia?
October 10, 2005
October 09, 2005
Out of Control
Yes, I am a control freak. I cannot help but seek total control of myself at all times. I cannot stand the thought of externalities of this probabilistic world carrying out some absurd stochastic determinations on my glorified fate.
What is control, I ask. Is it politically incorrect with reference to an individual – I, me, and myself? If not, then why is there a stigma attached to control freaks like me? I only want to preserve the innermost sanctum sanctorum of my thoughts, desires, passions and motivations. Does this make me a closed individual, shut out from the outside world, hiding away the essence of my existence from prying eyes and poking noses all around? Does this make me incapable of loving and/or being loved, I wonder.
A larger and more pertinent issue is - does the willingness to control my inner self run the risk of spilling over into controlling external entities as well?
What is control, I ask. Is it politically incorrect with reference to an individual – I, me, and myself? If not, then why is there a stigma attached to control freaks like me? I only want to preserve the innermost sanctum sanctorum of my thoughts, desires, passions and motivations. Does this make me a closed individual, shut out from the outside world, hiding away the essence of my existence from prying eyes and poking noses all around? Does this make me incapable of loving and/or being loved, I wonder.
A larger and more pertinent issue is - does the willingness to control my inner self run the risk of spilling over into controlling external entities as well?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
