It is interesting how your life can acquire perspectives overnight and transform the world around when you wake up the next day. It is equally interesting to know how you struggle to come to terms with the new reality that stares you in the face. It is like having lost familiar ground and entered un-chartered territory. It is like the desperate groping of a blind man who has suddenly walked into startling brightness of the naked sun.
When your mind is at peace and in equilibrium, it doesn’t feel the transitory disturbances for the strength comes from an inherent sense of balance. However, the inverse equilibrium state is one that borders on mayhem. The slightest nudge can make you go tumbling down the abyss of emotional turmoil. The struggle to hold on to the equilibrium even by a whisker is what gives rise to the feeling of being out of control. The effort is exhausting to say the least. Sanity is at stake.
The logic is simple – a stable equilibrium is concave whereby thoughts bend and the world transpires to support you, and help you regain lost balance; whereas, an unstable equilibrium is convex. You step out just a little bit, and you lose ground. And to top it, the world conspires to make you fall off. Or is it just paranoia?
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I hate the world of pretentious ostentation. I want to be a child once again. I want to return to innocence. I want to experience the joy of not knowing, of not caring about right or wrong, of being able to cry at will and laugh without any rhyme or reason. I want to forget that mind exists in order to rationalize the world around itself. I want to remember only that I am inherently programmed to act on instinct, to react on impulse. But alas! I am a prisoner of the mind.
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